JAMIE AND THE BEST STONE IN THE WORLD

If you travel far into the farthest north you will find that the houses are fewer and farther apart and all the roads join together to form one road.

If you travel far enough along this road you will come to a bridge over one of the rivers and you will see a signpost.  The sign points one way up the road and the other way down the road.  But if you look hard enough you will see a small white gate beside the bridge and next to that gate is a sign which reads:

TO THE EVEN FARTHEST NORTH
LAND OF THE McDORWUFFS
FRIENDS WELCOME
POLAR BEARS KEEP OUT!

There are rocks and mountains, deep lakes of water (called 'lochs'), rivers, streams and forests in that land of the even farthest north... in bad winters there are polar bears who come all the way from Iceland in search of food... and there are the McDorwuffs.

McDorwuffs are very short (they might fall over in high winds if they were any taller) and very fat on account of all the porridge they eat.  They have long beards and wear kilts, which are like pleated skirts made out of brightly-coloured patterned wool.

The McDorwuffs are old, as old as the land.  When God made the rocks and hills of the even farthest north he also made the McDorwuffs and set them as rockherds over the country.  Just as shepherds look after the sheep, so the McDorwuffs look after the mountains and the hills.

It is a busy life.  In spring the McDorwuffs wake up - for they sleep a lot during the long winters - and all summer long they sweep and dust the bare rocks, arrange the grass, heather and gorse bushes in attractive shapes and clean up after the sheep and other animals.

They also make beaches on the shores of the lochs and sea.  Some beaches are laid out with fine yellow sand and the McDorwuffs use special rakes to get a smooth, unwrinkled surface.  But other beaches are pebbly with stones collected from far and wide: red, green, blue, white stones; stones with a dusting of gold and silver; stones that wink and blink in the sun; big stones, small stones, striped, plain and speckled.  The McDorwuffs love these pebble beaches best and every McDorwuff has his own beach of which he is very proud.

Jamie McDorwuff was proud of his beach which was very fine indeed.  It was a beside a large loch called Laxford and was so beautiful that McDorwuffs came from far and near to admire his wonderful collection of stones.

But although he was proud, Jamie was never quite satisfied with his beach.  It could always be improved, he thought, it could always be made that bit better and he worried that his neighbours might find bigger and better stones and make better beaches

He worried that other McDorwuffs might steal the best of his stones and became suspicious when they admired his beach.  He grew cross and bad-tempered and threw stones (but not his best ones) when the younger McDorwuffs came to play.

He grew so worried that he stopped looking after the rocks and hills of the even farthest north and just sat on his beach all day long, polishing the stones and arranging them in even more attractive patterns.  He would only leave his beach late at night when he was sure everyone was in bed asleep and then he would go hunting for bigger and better stones.

The other McDorwuffs were upset and tried to talk to him, but Jame thought they were going to take his beach away from him.  He put up a huge barbed-wire fence with a strong gate at the entrance.  He put up notices saying:

KEEP OUT EVERYONE!  THAT MEANS YOU!!

The McDorwuffs held a meeting and decided to ask God for advice.  They often took their problems to God.

'It's like this, God,' said Hamish McDorwuff, speaking for them all.  'He's not a bad McDorwuff at heart, it's just that he's got himself into such a state about his beach that no-one can talk sense into him.  And the hills that he's responsible for are in a dreadful state - dirty, neglected, and with sheep droppings all over them.  Would you give him a talking to?  He'd listen to you.'

And God listened and nodded and said he would do something and the McDorwuffs were satisfied.  But God did not give Jamie a talking to, stern or otherwise, for that was not God's way.

Time passed and Jamie heard about a stone better than any other in the world.  It was said to have the most perfect shape and the most perfect colour and at its centre there burned a white-hot fire.  If you looked into the fire, Jamie heard, you would achieve your heart's desire.  As soon as he heard of this stone he had to find it to add it to his collection.

He locked up his beach and left his rocks and hills and began to wander all over the even farthest north.  He travelled to places where no McDorwuff had ever been and he saw wonderful lands where even the polar bears are afraid to go, as he searched for the best, the very best stone in the world.

And as he travelled, God watched over him but did not say anything, because that was not God's way.

Jamie grew tired and thin - for a McDorwuff - and his beard grew so long he tripped over it every time he took a step.  But eventually, after seven long years of searching, Jamie found the stone.  It was white and red and green and blue and all colours at the same time, and it was smooth to the touch, and its centre burned with a white-hot fire.

Jamie looked deep into the fire and thought about his heart's desire, which was to be home on his beach.  It would truly be the finest beach in the world now that he owned the very best stone in the world.

The fire seemed to burn his eyes and he closed them.  When he opened them, he was at home, beside Loch Laxford, with the most beautiful stone in the world in his pocket.

But it was not the beach he remembered.  Where were the red, blue and green stones, the striped stones, the speckled ones, the ones with a dusting of gold and silver?  The beach that stretched before him under the summer sun was black and evil-smelling.

Jamie looked around in horror.  He unlocked his stout door and took one step onto his beach... then another... and fell flat on his nose!  The rocks were slimy and slippery.  Jamie lay where he had fallen and cried and cried.

And God saw everything as he watched and waited. God felt sorry for Jamie but he did not say anything because that was not his way.

After a while Jamie got up.  He took the most beautiful stone in the world out of his pocket and looked at it.

'It's all your fault,' he said.  'If I hadn't heard about you none of this would have happened!  I'd still have my beach as it was with the red stones, the blue and the green, the striped ones, the speckled ones and the ones with a dusting of gold and silver.  Well I can't get those back but I'll make sure no-one gets you!'

He climbed into his boat and rowed himself out into the centre of the loch.  Now the loch was very deep, so deep that no-one knew if there was a bottom at all.  Anything dropped in it would be lost forever, as many McDorwuffs had found when their hats had fallen in while fishing.

Jamie leant on his oars and looked for one final time at the most beautiful stone in the world.  Then he picked it up, took aim, and...

God decided that it was time to speak.

'If you don't want my precious stones, others might,' God said.

Jamie dropped the stone to the bottom of the boat in surprise.

'You don't have to throw it away,' said God.

Jamie was very angry.

'So it was your stone all the time,' he said.  'And it was your idea too, I suppose, to send me off on that wild goose-chase for seven long years only to find my beautiful beach ruined when I got back.'

Jamie knew he should not speak to God like that but he was angry and upset.  God neither struck him dead with a thunderbolt nor upset his boat with a shaft of lightning for speaking so rudely, because that was not God's way.

'Yes,' said God.  'It was my stone, just as your beach is mine and the rocks and the hills that you have neglected are mine.  But I did not send you off for seven years searching for the stone.  Your own greed did that.  And I did not ruin your beach.  You did that yourself by leaving it to get dirty.  When you surrounded it with barbed wire and a locked gate none of the McDorwuffs could get in to clean it even though they wanted to.  You have only yourself to blame.'

Well Jamie would not accept that and he shouted and raged.  He waved his arms about and jumped up and down and nearly upset the boat in his anger.  But God had said all that he wanted to and did not answer.

It grew dark and cold and Jamie sat in the bottom of his boat and shivered.  He was not angry any more, he was just very very unhappy and he did not want to row back to the shore, partly because he did not like the idea of clambering up his slippery, evil-smelling beach in the dark, but also because he did not want to face the other McDorwuffs.  How they would laugh at him, he thought.  He grew hungry as he had not taken any food with him.

And God watched and waited and felt sorry for Jamie but did not speak any more because that was not God's way.

As Jamie sat huddled in his boat against the cold, the most beautiful stone in the world began to glow.  Jamie had forgotten all about the stone but now he watched it as the light from its white-hot centre grew stronger and brighter.

Into his mind came things he had not thought about for years, not since his desire to have the best beach in the world had blotted out all other thoughts.  He saw himself as a younger and fitter McDorwuff, laughing with his friends as he tended the rocks and hills of the even farthest north.  He saw himself fishing with his friends, hunting for stones, singing and laughing.

The light from the stone faded and Jamie was left alone in the centre of the loch in the black, black night, crying for the McDorwuff he now was, and the happy McDorwuff he used to be.

At first light he rowed back to shore.  His beach stretched before him, black and forbidding.  But there, on the other side of the barbed wire, were hundreds and hundreds of McDorwuffs, all waving and smiling, pleased that he had come home.

Jamie jumped out of his boat and ran up the beach.  He was slipping and sliding on the slimy stones, but he did not care.  He tore down the barbed wire fence and broke the strong gate.  The McDorwuffs, armed with mops and dusters, polish and brooms, rushed in and set to work to clean his beach and Jamie set to work beside them.

By the end of the day his beach was clean once more.  Red, green, blue and white stones; stones with a dusting of gold and silver; stones that winked and blinked in the setting sun; big stones, small stones, striped, plain and speckled.  But there was a difference: there was no barbed wire fence, no strong gate to keep out McDorwuffs.  The forbidding notices had all gone and in their place were signs reading:

In one corner of the beach some McDorwuffs were preparing an enormous celebration meal of porridge and fish and in another some young McDorwuffs were playing leapfrog.  Jamie sat in the centre, smiling and content.  Suddenly he remembered the most beautiful stone in the world and wondered what had happened to it.  He went down to his boat and looked inside.  

The stone had gone.  

There was nothing at the bottom of the boat except a small strand of seaweed.  Jamie shrugged his shoulders and went to help with the meal.  What did it matter?

And God smiled as he set the most beautiful stone in the world back in the place where Jamie had found it.  It had served its purpose.  And that was God's way.